The whole of last month was trying due to the slow and vicious cycle of viruses spreading around the family. It definitely also slowed me down much to my frustration. Like many Singaporeans, I’m a do-er. This time the fever was 5 days and that put me out of action for 2 whole weeks as I also caught other bugs along the way. During those enforced bed resting times, I had much to mull over.
My buddy had text me on how she envies that I can do so many things, teach part-time, give enrichment class, teach my 3 kids, being a wife and even have time to blog about it! That might be true for last year. But now, mmm… that set me thinking especially during my unwell period.
What’s the rush?
I feel like this year, I’ve been rushing through my days, shoo-ing the kids to school so that I can get ready to go to my school to teach. (Yes, I work a wee bit of part time) Am always pre-occupied with lesson plans and things to do in my head for work while with them. It was manageable for the past 2 years. Somehow, this year I feel the stress building up in my life. Perhaps, it’s also a stage where I am keenly aware of the little time left for my not very little ones? My eldest will be entering Primary 1 next year. My second son will be K2 next year. My only girl will be 4. I’ve decided to homeschool her for next year. Challenged by my buddy, I pondered over why am I doing so much in educating them? Isn’t my presence enough? After reflections revealed the values behind my husband and my actions. We strongly believe in the first 6 years of a child’s life as the prime window of opportunity and effortless learning. These years are the foundation to their years ahead. As they approach 7 years and beyond, a lot of habits (Good or bad) and mindset (Positive or negative) would have been formed. (it is still possible for change thereafter, just that it requires double the effort and time) And habits will develop into character. Therefore, whatever values and life habits that we would like to instill have to be trained while they are still young (While I still Can). This cleared my head as to what I want to prioritise in this stage of my life.
Just this month alone I had taken more than 7 days of sick leave from work. The well being of my family was compromised when I had to rush to work even when the kids were unwell. Cooking was also compromised as I spend less thought into my meals. My health eventually gave way and I had a tough time recovering. My children’s home education also suffered as I don’t have as much time to plan on their activities. Only then, did I stop to take stock of my current lifestyle. It was like a wake up call from the Lord to help me return to what I was called to do. To stay within my boundaries and live realistically was one of my devotional passage, prodding my heart that it is time to give up something. I can’t cope with a divided heart anymore.
I made my decision to stop my part time work. My hubby was supportive and perhaps glad that I had come to this decision. I am grateful to have the financial and emotional support from him to be a SAHM (Stay At Home Mum). Having said that, I do need to be prepared to readjust my spending according to the budget given to me from henceforth.
There were questions as to whether I would become too entrenched in my kids’ world and leave me unbalanced as an individual. Also, does being a stay home mum guarantee success in raising kids the way I desire them to be? If they do not improve in certain areas that I work on (especially since I stay at home full time), will I be even more frustrated? Will I lose myself in the process of staying home fully?
I have no answers. I only know I do not want to regret Not devoting myself to the task of raising them wholeheartedly while I can at this stage. Interestingly, I discovered a new joy eversince I started blogging Growing Hearts. I had an answer for the last question. I know I won’t lose myself as I now have a new hobby to help through the journey of SAHM. In a way, it helps me reflect on my practices and approaches to educating my children. It also provides me a platform to share my life and resources with others. It also brings a whole new world of others into my world.
Above all, I know our family will be well taken care of when I look to the Perfector of our faith in the person of Jesus Christ.
Like the Hymn goes
I don’t know about tomorrow
I just live from day to day
I don’t borrow from its sunshine
For its skies may turn to grey
I don’t worry o’er the future
For I know what Jesus said
And today I’ll walk beside Him
For He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow
I don’t seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
Live realistically. Give generously.
Adapt willingly. Trust fearlessly. Rejoice daily. Charles Swindoll
This verse was one of my timely quiet time reminder on How it is God who will do the teachings of the heart and will be my children’s peace at the end of everything. I need just to do the best which He has called me to do and let God do the rest.
All your children will be taught by the Lord,
and great will be their peace.
They will not be little for long… Cherishing the moment. From henceforth, I strive to be less impatient (It’s going to be a dying to self daily affair, so I start with less impatient ya…), more gentle and be cheerful in my relationship with them. Thanking God for always giving us a NEW day to start afresh. : )