It has been a tough period for you for the last two years as you had to endure mummy’s high expectations of you as the eldest in the family. I was afraid you would grow proud due to the elephant memory that you possess. You could recall snapshots of photos and paintings that you saw before and co- relate them even from different sources. Whatever I taught you, you store it up and like a database, use it and make connections to the newest information. Frankly, you will be the one reminding me of my promises made and if any, misinformation made. It doesn’t help that I am forgetful and you have to frequently remind me over many matters.
That was when I feared your attitude was not the most humble and I constantly nagged at you to be humble in the Lord. However, I guess along the way, I had come down too hard on you and dealt harshly with you whenever you made a mistake of being unkind, or impolite, playing a fool, and sometimes hurtful towards your siblings. I forgot you were only a 5 and 6 year old…. I expected you to be a gentleman.
When you broke down one day, I saw a broken spirit on that fateful day 2 years ago. As usual I had lashed out on you after an unkind deed of yours. My long counsel ensued. Then I saw your uncontrolled sobs and softened.That day, what you told me broke me within and I apologised profusely in tears. It was an awakening truth that I was slapped with. My measure to ensure a humble boy had resulted in a broken boy. I promised to repent of my hard and harsh ways, to give you more encouragement and to accept your weaknesses. I also confessed my weaknesses, sought your forgiveness and prayed that we will together press on in our walk with God and allow God to change our short temper and shortcomings. It was then I clearly saw how my impatience had rubbed off on you. God have mercy on us. You were an angel, readily forgave me and skipped off as happy as can be! While mummy was still moping over guilt…. What lessons I learnt from you! : )
It wasn’t easy. You saw how mummy would pray fervently especially during times when I wanted to scream at you all. Successful a day, failed the next moment, gained momentum a period and lost it again. Nontheless, we were evidently being transformed s l o w l y but surely by the grace of our loving Father. I also saw how you would be helpless over your own unkind actions and we have to repent again. Nontheless, when there is Christ, there is eternal hope. We continue to place our trust in the Living Hope and press on in our area of self control.
After the deliberate practice of Jars of Stars, it was like an answered prayer of the Lord! I witnessed a dramatic change from the rapid outbursts transformed into a much cooler and more controlled gentleboy! Only God can perform such a transformation!
You became such a joy and pleasure to teach and played exceptionally well with your siblings especially in Dec.
This 2015, you proved yourself to be reliable and responsible. Having been trained to sleep early, you had no difficulty waking up. In fact, daddy bought you an alarm clock for your use. It was not a surprise that you could wake up by the first beep of your alarm, brushed your teeth and serve your own breakfast. What delighted me was the great enthusiasm that accompanied the routine. My heart skipped with joy as I regained a cheerful A at work!
On the first day of school, I searched for you in the crowd during recess and finally caught you! You were eating happily with your new buddy and only noticed me after my hollering of your name. You grinned at me and continued your meal. Then you returned the plate to the stall and never returned to say goodbye. I only realised you were not returning after waiting for quite a while. It was that moment which marked a milestone of mummy’s life!
It dawned on me that I had to start learning to grow up together with you! I needed to trust you and let you go on your own. You were ready and steady. It was a mixture of pride, a slight sense of lost and a tinge of sadness all at once. Pride because you have grown so much and so fast! Lost and sadness because mummy is trying to accept your newly exhibited independence.
I was afraid to tell you how proud we are of you in the past. I’ve come to realise how damaging it was when I failed to affirm your talents and encourage your soul. Now I will not shy away from this healthy dose of affirmation. Neither will I boast of your accomplishments as we all know (and you always hear me say) that our health, wealth and wisdom all comes from God alone. Therefore, there’s nothing to boast. Just that more often than not, being an Asian Chinese we feel ‘Paiseh’ (embarrassed) to say we are proud of our sons and daughters. On the contrary, we demand more and criticize abundantly. Having been exhorted by God’s encouraging love, I pray that as you see how mummy is changed by God, you too would continue to learn of His marvellous ways and beautiful character. To grow more like Jesus and become the man that God purposed you to be.
You have a brother and sister. Love them and find loyalty till the end in Him. Always be assured that no matter what happens, we will always love you.
Jesus loves and knows you Best.
Looking forward to your growing ways.
With open arms always,
Papa and Mama.
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