To my Lil Huggies,
I shall not wait for you to be in P1 to write this letter next year. I shall treasure now. Where do I start? When I had you in the womb, I had the dreaded H1N1 Flu. It was bad but not that bad for hospitalisation. I was also working part time and felt the toll on my health. I can’t recall, chicken pox came before or after H1N1? Anyway, I had to park myself in the hospital so that Kor Kor A won’t get the disease since we had no helper that time. People were getting concerned over my health and feared for your growth. In short, it wasn’t a smooth pregnancy. We prayed and searched for a name for you. Finally, King Joash from the Bible stood out. Means “The Lord is strong.” “Given by God.”
We prayed that despite the illnesses I had, you would be protected and kept strong. Now we clearly see how the Lord’s strength resides in you literally as well. You pulled yourself up during your 6th month and uttered your first Mama.
Along your toddler years, I sensed your wilfulness in doing your own ways and took you to task each time you demonstrated disobedience. Often, you get punished for your flying limbs and storming at Korkor and your ability to keep still was closest to the Disney’s Tasmanian Devil. You tested my boundaries severely and during that tumultuous toddler years where you and Korkor together often left me with much tears and many times I am too exhausted for emotions to grow. You made me wonder where I had gone wrong in my parenting as I cried out daily to God for His mercy and help.
It was not until one fateful day at the stadium, it suddenly hit me – your so called ‘disobedience’ was not out of malice nor an intent to harm. In fact, you were extremely sensitive to people’s emotions. Your keen sense of empathy could be detected at one glance. I finally realised that you had TOO MUCH ENERGY! You had to EXPEND them in order to go through the mundane activities at home. Your hitting and Incessant disturbing of your family was due to the pent up molecules of bursting energy waiting to be released from the dormant prison at home! Your ability to run non stop for 2.4km at 3 YO within 18mins hit me hard to my senses. But Of Course!! This boy has soooo much going inside of him, he has gotta ventilate somewhere, if not in active climbing and outdoors roaming, it’ll be directed at home to people and things. Sonny, let’s Thank God for the revelations along the way! From then on, I resolved to let you all (especially you my dear) the freedom to play for at least one hour in the morning before our day starts. It did wonders to your spirit and you well, still disturbed us… but with less intensity and frequency I would say. : )
I also started using more creative measures to discipline you. Mainly via physical exercises that requires you to jiggle out all those restless molecules into thin air instead of transferring them to your siblings and me.
Another aspect that I discovered which helped soothe your ruffled feathers was your need for touch. Your Korkor wasn’t the feely kind. Therefore, I failed to notice the frequent close contact you initiated every other hour throughout the day. You often play a while then run to me and hug my legs. I often just smile and say ‘run along.’ Your form of play entails a plenty of jostling, touching, poking, prodding, screaming, shouting, stroking, caressing, holding hands…. You loved playing with people. You disliked being alone. I’m sorry mummy missed all these obvious signs! You crave my affection immensely. Your refusal to leave me alone speaks of the empty emotional tank waiting for filling. It took me another year or so to discover this vital connection that I needed to demonstrate in order for you to feel secure and assured of my love for you. These were only brought to light with God’s words, Papa’s, Auntie Chrystl, your Ah Yees’ and your Godma’s input.
You had to know no matter how unruly your behaviour is, you ARE WELL LOVED. I recall how I had to hold you down on several occasions in order to help you calm down eventually. Jesus will never give up on you and neither will daddy and mummy. Each time after your meltdown, we still implemented the consequences for you. Each time I will end up hugging you like never before and you like a koala bear clinging on to me with your life. Such intensity of emotions, how can I miss it? From henceforth, I made it a point to always bend down and give you a firm long hug until you are satisfied to let go of me. I knew God answered our prayers when your aggression slowly but surely decreased in frequency and duration. With constant prayers and renewing ourselves of God’s words, we were slowly but steadily transformed. You slowly grew more secure and confident as you saw how God helps you in your inward character and outward behaviours.
You have been my utmost worry throughout these years and the Lord has rewarded us with a jubilant and affectionate boy growing to be the best that God has called you to be in Christ Jesus.
You have grown much in your self discipline as well my son. Papa and Mama, your relatives are all proud of your vibrant growth. Thank You for teaching me how to love you and giving me this privilege to be your Huggies.
Remember your hands and feet are made for greatness if only you will allow the Holy Spirit to temper them for His glory with this creative strength you possess.
Never fear to approach us, never letting you go.
Papa and Mama.
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