My heart dipped. Mind whirling around for an anchor. Like a driver who has lost control due to the unforeseen obstacles around me, so are my plans to stay home.
I cannot work the few hours that I have been doing while my kids are in school. Reality hits. I have to return to work. You see, I had only worked like a handful of hours a week and stay home for the rest of the time to care for my kids. This arrangement worked beautifully since I got a tad of time away from home but still have energy to focus on my kids’ development.
Now, I have to go back to work daily. No doubt it’s still part time, the workload is entirely different. From disbelief to acceptance of this final option, it is still an uncertain path that I am going to face until I start work.
It hit me that I’ve been a stay home mum for a good 6 years after I had my second child. Along the years, I had juggled and tried to take on a bit more work but eventually I stopped everything for last year 2014 to refocus on my kids as shared in Back to My Calling.
I had Homeschooled my kids from infancy to 3YO. Then continued Home Educating them or some may term it as Home Supplement.
Due to a turn of events, I will return to the workforce next month! This forced me to reflect on how I’ve been spending my time with my family for my 6 years at home… It has really been a great privilege and honour!
As I prayed and cast my anxieties unto the Lord Jesus, He slowly alleviated my fears and feelings of helplessness. It was a case of an unwilling worker returning to work… Will I be able to handle the pressure of work? Will I be too tired for home? I will certainly bring back work to do. How shall I strike a balance? Can my helper manage the other 2 kids without my presence? and so on….
I knew about this reporting back to work in late February. In March, my One Word started to make sense. I was reminded from the book –not to focus on where I think God wants me to be, just focus on Him. It is not about his direction but His presence. Wait for Him to lead. I just follow.
I was touched when I read God often allows good dreams to shatter in order for great dreams to emerge.
‘The loss of a dream is no more devastating than the fulfillment of one is exhilarating, if our heart’s ultimate delight is in Christ. With our affections anchored firmly to the love of Christ, dreams can come and dreams can go…our most precious will remain on the altar and be ever and only His.’ From GraceLaced.com
Meanwhile, I asked the Lord for wisdom to know how to count my days worthy of Him ( Ps90:12 Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom ) instead of ‘counting down’ to my returning to work. This helped take away the pressure and I took pleasure in my remaining months that passed by.
Somehow, this change of my status revealed what I valued most. My priorities shifted a bit more. The struggle however was to juggle between A) allowing more free time and fun time vs B) following routine and completing certain activities I want to engage them before I return. Reason being I know my energy level would be lower than now and therefore heavier work like my lapbook series will come to a slowdown or zilch.
Option A) means I have fun and enjoy my time with them. However, it also means a big headache to return back to basic routine and what more, to an even limited time with the kids! As it is, after the June holidays, I was really having a teething problem with my basic routine and has only improved this month!
Option B) means basically hard work. Period.
After much soul searching, I knew that I had to plod on and be diligent in Prayer, in God’s Words and in Teaching. To let loose completely will be disastrous, but I have also allowed for more flexibility whenever I could. E.g. if a morning I don’t have time for any lessons, having spent time on Bible and Prayer, and just reading storybooks is a great achievement.
Therefore, basic routine still ensued and I completed the lapbooks that I’ve set out for them as well as kicked-start my Mini Art Series. Apart from these, I’m also decluttering and organising stuffs in a neater fashion, catching up with friends and just remembering to smile more!
Another challenge is to wake up earlier than before to keep my Devotion Times so that I can carry out a minimum routine for the kids before I head out for work in a few weeks time! However, I am encouraged that A had developed a supersonic speed by completing his morning routine earlier which allowed for a good 10-15mins of Bible reading together before school.
For now, I am savouring my remaining 2-3 weeks with them and look forward to an exciting start of a new journey altogether!
How do you cope with such changes?
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