If my kids are teens, they will ask,” Why so emo mama?”
Why can’t my tap stop? She’s alright now isn’t it?
2 weeks ago my colleague panting, asked me to call my hubby. Urgent! After the call, I asked for back up and sought permission to leave school. Taking off my new heels, I sprinted home. E had hit her head onto a bench after playing-somersaulting off the soft sofa. I came home to a worn out child with a bloody T-shirt. I am not exaggerating. The T neckline was soaked with blood. Her hair clot with blood. I would rather not post her photo.
At the clinic, the Doctor only found a small cut and assured me she was fine since she had stopped bleeding and no symptoms of nausea or fainting. Hubs also rushed down and he took J to school while I settled E before returning to complete my classes. However, after work, my sharp helper alerted me to another wound in her head. The cut wasn’t wide but it was deep enough to see the white fatty tissue. The doctor apologised profusely for overlooking the main wound that caused the bloody stains and told us to go KK Hospital for treatment. Hubs was activated again and he sent her to KK while I headed back home to take care of the boys.
Thank God for (my helper’s sharp eyes) the Dr glued her wound deftly and they returned home in good spirits. Of course hubs distracted her with dinner offers while the Dr glued her wound. McDonalds was her comfort food. Strangely throughout the whole episode, E appeared cheerful which was the main reason I was relieved enough to return to work. So imagine my alarm when she greeted me with the discovered main wound.
I was feeling exhausted but acted calm throughout the day. Until I tried to sleep. Somehow the bottled up feelings crawled their way up and the floodgates opened. In fact, I was puzzled at my own reaction. I whatsapp a few close mummy friends. After confiding about how the weeks went, I finally understand why I am overwhelmed.
The first week was smooth as I shared in my New Jobs and New Discoveries post. What happened thereafter was a flurry of events from angsty A and J at home sparking fights, receiving one complaint from a teacher to another complaint from a different teacher from each boy, to the accident of E above. It dawned on me – we were all acting up majorly with my return to work. Me included.
I had started barking in the early mornings, “Hurry up! Mummy has no time, I have to go in half hour/ I’ve to leave in 10mins/ You’re not treasuring our time together you know?!/ Why are you wasting our time?? Can’t you learn to do things fast??!” and so on…
We were so used to the luxury of doing so many things before they leave for school, to have done nothing before I leave begs a big HUH? HOW CAN? in my thick inflexible skull. My devotional times with the Lord was also affected. Before I leave, there is always something I need to contend with J. In the end, E is neglected and left silently on her own to play. My heart ached whenever I leave them in a hurry or worse still, in anger.
Bottom line- I miss them as much as they are missing me.
With this understanding, I let loose and allowed myself to grief over the loss of time spent with them and let go of my guilt cum longings unto the Lord. As I prayed over all the challenges we faced, His peace settled over me and comforted me.
We are works in progress until we meet Jesus in His Second Coming. The below scripture gave me much comfort and hope during those discouraging moments. I need to extend much of His mercies to myself and my children.
With incidents of abovementioned, my friend’s 1st question was: “Have you been spending time alone with him?” I realised it’s been moons ago since I had fun mum and son alone time with my eldest. Will make an effort to bond with him henceforth regularly be it just a 1 and a half hour lunch! I sensed such joy and contentment in him! He also used his extra pocket money to buy cookies for siblings.
I saw this quote in the Straits Times.
‘Any situation you’re in you’re going to worry about raising kids, but it’s champagne problems. There’s people who can’t feed their kids.’ Rapper Kayne West on bringing up children in the spotlight.
I pondered and mused – Yet the Lord Jesus cares for the needy, who has no food as well as the champagne problems that first world countries like us face. Of course when we compare the problems that the world has, our problems seem insignificant. Isn’t He beautiful and Wonderful? No matter who you are and how needy you are, Jesus cares for you and me. Each of us have our own cross and load to carry. People need the Lord. At the end of broken dreams, people need the Lord. At the end of the day, He came to redeem the souls of men regardless of your status in life.
Therefore, I stand amazed. Through this enforced change in my life, I am stretched in faith, hope and love. Flexibility forced it’s way into my rigidness. I heeded a friend’s advice. To reschedule my time and routine. Now mornings are just times to have a hearty breakfast and washing of E’s hair carefully for the head injury to recover. Ironically, E’s accident forced me to pay more focused attention on her for the better.
Lastly, I find that spending 1 on 1 time with each child improved our relationships and eased the tensions we had other than changing my mindset. This week has improved by leaps and bounds! I trust we will become better in time to come with much prayers.
Taking to heart His promises
‘He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress (strong anchor), and for his children it will be a refuge.’
I’d like to end with a gospel song that I recall.
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