Do You Pursue Perfection?

Do you, like me, unconsciously pursue some form of perfection in life?

I do not have any extraordinary story of great trials nor experience poverty or persecution. Just an ordinary first world country’s middle income Singaporean family. Blessed with education, the ability to enjoy a comfortable standard of living and now supporting 3 kids with a domestic helper, life is good. My hubby had supported the family for the past 6 years so that I can be  Stay At Home Mum (SAHM) for the young ones. However, we know that doesn’t mean that our life has no struggles. With my recent return to Part Time Working Mum status, I find this year an especially strenuous struggle.

Why?

I had been the only Art Teacher since my first posting and subsequently the art co-coordinator with a few under my charge. Imagine the panic I had of being thrown into the ocean of students with no form of art-life support as the only practitioner. I learnt from scratch all over the places. I returned to my alma mater to seek my art teacher’s advice and sought other experienced teacher’s help. Slowly, I learnt how to manage the workload. Did I mention I was a fresh graduate, with vigour and idealism of youth? I worked before the sun rise till the sun sets. After marriage, we still continued with our packed lifestyle enjoying work and couple hood. Until – Baby 1 and 2 came along.

I became a full time SAHM for 6 years. If you follow my posts, I am a very hands on do-er. With my kids, I craft out the ‘best’ plans I can think of for them. Then realise I cannot achieve such unrealistic goals. I find myself short of breath even in my home schooling. It took years for me to figure out a sensible and manageable routine. What’s my point?

I have this longing – for perfection. I have lofty ideals and ideas that I strive to achieve. Because of this, I am always striving to do better, teach better, discipline more and so on. The drive for such perfection comes from a deep longing. I wonder –

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Why do we yearn for perfection?

Because He has set Eternity in our hearts.

And Only Christ who is perfect can truly satisfy our deepest longings.

Ecclesiastes 3: 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

This March holidays, I brought my troop to help clean my art room again. I met with some unpleasant issues which brought me to my senses. Basically I had still been working in my before motherhood frame of mind. It didn’t occur to me that I am in a totally different context now. I am limited in capacity and time as a mother of 3, which is the main reason I had to do part time instead of full time work. My hubby had suggested a 3 day 2 nights short Malaysia trip but I was preoccupied with my Art Room organisation set up. Before the issues surfaced in school, I did not see anything misplaced. However, my hubby’s candid perspective on the matter spurred me to do a deeper reflection on the reasons for my struggles. I had unwittingly burned my family’s holiday plans with my insistence to return to school. I also had infringed upon other people’s holiday when I needed work to be done. It was not a win-win situation. Thus the Lord revealed that I have to start renewing my mind again –

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Reframe my working mode to match my current status and pace of life.

I have to change my habits of the past and replace with habits that can help me prioritise my life.

Learning how to let go of and deal differently with certain school or family matters are vital to a healthy spiritual and wholesome growth in my life. I need not be affected by the waves of insecurity if I do not ‘perform’ up to my expectations or other people’s expectations. Instead of pursuing perfection, the only way to be satisfied is only through the perfect person and deity of Jesus Christ.

This Easter Sunday was a significant reminder of how death has no hold on Jesus. By rising from the dead after 3 days, Christ won the victory over death! Therefore, we who yearn for eternity and perfection can only be satisfied by the eternal God who created us. The sermon on Sunday re-aligned my perspective on life. Often, we ask for healing of our physical infirmities/illnesses which God of course has the power to heal. However, after such physical healing, there will come a point of time where death will eventually present itself. Jesus died on the cross to pay for our sins and by His ressurrection, He has come to heal our spirit, so that even with death, we can have hope beyond this mortal body and cross over from death to life.

John 1:12 Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—13 children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband’s will, but born of God.

Only when I re-grapple with the reality of eternity, can I lay down my self and experience His peace in my life by fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.’ Hebrews 12:2

I leave you with this song which reminds me to refocus on what can truly satisfy.

 

DON MOEN LYRICS

“Deeper In Love”

There is a longing
Only You can fill
A raging tempest
Only You can still
My soul is thirsty Lord
To know You as I’m known
Drink from the river
That flows before Your throne[Chorus:]
Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I’ve ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

Sunrise to sunrise
I will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied

[Chorus x2:]
Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I’ve ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

How I long to be deeper in love

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