The Blows and Blessings with Boys

Not long ago, a call sent my heart racing as I learnt of the ‘incident’ in school. This was not the first time. I have 2 boys. Those who have more will understand where I am coming from.

Without naming the incident/s, it was a blow to me when I heard the news. Or perhaps not? I had imagined my boys had ‘outgrown’ or in my heart of hearts I wished it had been ‘got rid’ of. Let’s name it ‘monster Haiz’. Boys cannot contain Monster haiz and had often let it jump out to scare people. After many YEARS of training them in prayer and in deeds to keep monster Haiz at bay, I begin to see the light. I was glad that Monster Haiz only came out occasionally in the recent years.

The recent incident thus came as a blow. Hey, Monster Haiz is now bigger and scarier than before??!! The immediate response was embarrassment and self inflicted ‘Shame on You, how did you parent your child to be like that?’ It was a bitter pill to swallow since I am an Er Hum, an educator SOMEMORE….. Teacher’s kid also like that ah?

I don’t blame others for thinking this way either. It was basically a ‘lose face’ situation. Have you ever felt this way before? This time round I felt it keenly. As I battled within, I asked God ‘How? Pls teach us Your way and guide us for your name’s sake!’ I poured out my woes to God as it seemed like a losing battle suddenly.

My hubs and I discussed over the issues and did what we deemed best. In the process, it dawned on me that as much as I felt embarrassed, if I do not give any support for my own son, he would feel let down and stuck with Monster Haiz in the closet. After promising to handle the situation, my boy was able to let go and move on. He felt understood and supported.

Hubs was a pillar of strength in the midst of the brewing incident. He handled the case and gave practical solutions for the school and as usual in our homefront. As I spiraled down in discouragement, the Lord slowly but surely helped me look at the boys in a different light. It dawned on me that I have been trying hard to ‘eradicate’ this Monster haiz in this particular boy.

I wish to wish and will it away. I failed to accept that Monster Haiz is very much part of him- the great and the shortcomings.

It is like a double-edged sword. The same qualities that made him outstanding was the same shortcomings that came with it.

A dear old ex-secondary school mentor teacher shared with me a vision she had while praying for a youth facing similar issues.

A house was under construction. It was such an ugly and messy sight. Nobody will appreciate the digging of the dirt, the raw materials being hammered down deep underground. The foundations are important and necessary for the building to stand tall and sound. However, the process of this laying the foundation will not be a pretty sight. Years after she had passed by the same sight, she marvelled at the beautiful building that was built and completed.

She encouraged me to take heart that monster Haiz is surfaced now rather than later in adulthood. Like the vision above, my boy is at the laying of foundation stage. It will be ugly, embarrassing, painful, unyielding. However, with patience and perseverance, abiding by the master’s great construction plans, this building will have a great future in our maker’s sovereign hands.

I have to accept that my boy has this quality. Learn to help him grow in managing Monster Haiz in a more positive manner instead of trying to tame and will monster haiz away from my boy’s life. This image uplifted my spirit and humbled me. You see, having such revelations will mean nothing if I do not change my habits of how I behave towards my boy. It will be like a man looking at the mirror and forgetting what he looks like. From henceforth I need to grow in my patience and love towards him in practical ways.

Instead of fearing to see monster Haiz, I can have faith and hope to see Monster Haiz and Hi-5?! The willingness to see Haiz and meet him- I shall now call him Monster Hi! : )

I figured expecting him to come by will help both me and my son to learn how to work with him in a more positive manner. It is important and I do feel strongly that our boys are a blessing in all their ways! When they mature into Godly gentlemen, they bring out the best in the human race. Meanwhile, let us Persevere in loving and training our lil boys- the gentlemen to be!

Funny how after this eye-opening vision of the house, I chanced upon this lovely chinese book on ‘The House’.

It tells of how the house has been occupied from the rich to the commercial and ends with the poor orphans after meeting a great fire destruction. Of course,the boys were the bulk of the trouble makers. Nontheless, after a nun gathered them to rebuild and furnish the pathetic building, even the house never felt the same before.

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The visuals provided me a deeper impression on my spiritual lesson learnt. I came up with my own visual reminder to be patient with my kids and myself.

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My sunday sermon’s exhortation take away- Perseverance is not made by running a race in one breath. It is attained only with the accumulation of small and countless short runs in tireless breath. Like my mentor shared- it could just be the 99th time that it needs to be addressed before they can succeed for that 100th time. Even then, I reckon the patience still goes on. They may need another 97th time. But I trust it will be better.

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坚持 -所谓的坚持, 并非一口气跑到底, 而是无数次的短跑所累积而成的。(Rev Thong)

Are you feeling weary and disheartened by a teething issue with your child/ren?

May you find the strength and joy in our Master’s construction plans.

Leaning back to the Cross of Jesus.

Christ our foundation.

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