These few weeks, I have spent significant time reviewing on TLE on the growth mindset. It was not just a review churned out to fulfil a blogger’s obligation. It was a learning point in my life at this stage as a parent and a teacher.
These days I have been wondering exactly how ‘much’ or how ‘little’ to teach my own kids. This seems strange coming from me who have been home educating my kids since birth. I had a firm belief that since kids absorb the best from birth to 6yo, it is pertinent to give them the most learning opportunity while I am a stay at home mum.
I like how Mal Mal our inspiration termed one of the Singaporean syndrome as FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). This hit my parenting nerve right on the spot. As much as I do not like to admit, I think unconsciously, this has been a subtle motivation to why I teach my kids so much. Other than the fact that it is also a professional hazard for me, and my way of expressing love to my kids, this fraction of FOMO is also a driving force. In my pursuit of excellence, I jumble it up with FOMO.
As my kids enter Primary school, somehow the ugly head of FOMO becomes more apparent. It was no sweat when they were young and carefree, playing and learning was great fun. Now, the challenge is to resist coming down on my kids with mindless assessments and constant nagging daily, ‘How did you do today for your test?’ ‘Do you have homework today?’ ‘ Learnt your spelling already?’.
I learnt to let go of my ideals after last year’s transition episode. I think I have improved in managing my expectations however, I need to continually lay down this FOMO side of me. I thank God for the gradual unraveling of how I can grow in my journey as a mum cum teacher to my kids.
Refocus on my Firstborn
The recent discussion with my aunt C had allowed me to see how I’ve neglected to follow through with my eldest in some areas of discipline. She gave me practical suggestion to just zoom in on number 1. I just need to spend a good 15minutes per day after school to do a task with him, monitor his progress and follow through with him. During that time, I should be fully present without distractions from the siblings/meals/phone/work. This will help me sharpen my concentration and strengthen my focus with no. 1. I realised due to the multi-tasking that I usually land myself into, I lose focus on the essentials with my eldest more often than not.
When my firstborn has adequate discipline, the rest are more inclined to follow suit.
At the same time, I maintain spending quality time doing what he enjoys. Like this birthday treat- A has been waiting very long for this moment. Finally he gets to use his animal Kaiser cards to play here. He was well prepared with three 1dollar coins. And a 10bucks angbao from his aunt which he got a different deck of cards. Heng ah, he only brought 10bucks!Since the salesman egged him to get 20bucks and get 1free pack… The delight and pleasure was written all over his face as he thanked me,’ mama, this means A LOT to me!’ He returned home excitedly declaring to his bro – this is the best day ever! 💓 I finally used HIS language of love to communicate with him…. This mama has a lot to learn about growing up boys!#mamaandsonmoment #motherandson #1to1#lovelanguage ##sgkids #sgmumbloggers#sporemumbloggers #sgparent
Teach Less, Pray More
Having less time with my kids as a working mum makes the time more precious and valuable. It’s funny how my girl keeps nagging me to teach her daily whenever i fail to do so! It seems that I have maintained such a ‘great’ routine of teaching daily that it’s a given. Nowadays, I ‘skip’ teaching her and just read to her when I am tight for time.
With my recent change of mindset, I made a decision to scale down my ‘lesson time’ with her. We will hang out at playground and play together more during the week. I figured she too, has to learn to relax more with me.
What is better than fulfilling her favourite snack in between playing at the playground? Munchin away to happiness. Simple pleasures.
Instead of coaching the boys with assessments like I did haphazardly in the past, I decided do away with using assessments for now. Firstly, I do not have the time to mark the assessments and I do not have the patience to go through with them during the week. Secondly, it is more beneficial to ensure they complete their homework and go through corrections from there. As the boys progress, I know it will be impossible to catch up in teaching them the specific subjects. My hubby wonders why I get so upset trying to teach A his homework when the teachers should be doing that. I agree with him but still let FOMO get to me at times.
I simply cover up the wrong answers which he has corrected and re-test him to check for his understanding.
That said, there is one thing I NEVER do- Teach them in advance the school syllabus. It just kills the joy and purpose of learning in school.
Instead, I shall be spending more time praying for and together with my kids, allowing the holy spirit to renew our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I find the chinese prayer booklet below a constant renewal of my mind and spirit as I pray for my kids, my spirit is touched and sharpened by God’s sword.
Have Faith in Missing Out the so called ‘Must Haves’
After a few exchanges with Mummywee, I was inspired by how much faith she has in God to take care of her family. It was one thing to learn about how we can help my children grow in their mindset by training them to change their fixed mindset, it is another to move beyond the human resources and wholeheartedly trust in God’s sovereignty in my family’s lives.
I was reminded these days that how I respond to my kids reflect how much faith I have in our Almighty God. I pray that as I allow my mindset to grow reading helpful resources like The Growth Mindset approach, more importantly that God will strengthen my faith in Him as I press on in casting all my anxieties on Him because He cares for us.
I therefore can have Faith In Missing Out the latest fashion, blockbuster movie, coolest coding opportunity, smartest application, expert ballet teacher class, best drummer instructor, getting a computer because mine is cranky after a fall, blogging opportunities and so on.
You get the picture. All these are great but not necessary beneficial to our souls. We can do All things through Christ who gives us strength to be Content in whatever opportunities God has given or not given us.
Meanwhile, I can really grow in enjoying my daily bread and portion. To have Faith In Missing Out the ‘Must-Haves’. Each time I apply what is learnt, the temptations to worry weakens and faith is built. Therefore, this exam period, I find myself much more relax and carefree than 2 months ago. Our family outings carry on per usual while doing revision at our best limits. This changed the atmosphere of the family for the better.
We had a splashing time on Vesak Day bathing in times of refreshing to meet the exams tomorrow. : )
I am already looking forward to the holidays for more times of refreshing and stretching of my mind and faith.
How about You?
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